What are you afraid of?

Many of us took up the harp (or knitting, or golf, or baking, or something else) as a hobby – something we enjoy.  Something that makes a pleasant way to spend time whilst also making us happy.  Because these activities are fun and happifying (why yes, I did think that I had just made up that word…which made me happy, but it's in the dictionary - it's a real word which makes me happier still), sometimes the pleasure drives us to keep at it – allowing the activity to consume more and more of our time and other resources. 

To whit

“What is the right number of harps to own?”

“One more!”

The pleasure.  The fun.  The happiness.  The enjoyment.  The drive to learn more, experience more, enjoy more – the thirst for the activity, only slaked by more of it.  Ah, so sweet!  Playing the harp is a most excellent hobby!

And then, someone prevails upon you to play at church, or a wedding, or a tea, or a funeral.  And you agree.  It’s just this one event.  You’re helping someone else.  You’re bringing solace, or contributing to joy, or setting an atmosphere, or creating a milieu.  What fun.

And then it hits you.  You’re not a performer.  You’re not a pro.  What have you done?!?

The safety of being an amateur falls away.

And you’re left, terrified.  What will you play?  Do you have enough repertoire?  What if you make a mistake?  W-h-y did you agree to do this?

The fear creeps in…like a freight train!

Does fear grip your joy?  Does it chase away the happiness? Does the color drain from your delight?

But wait!  What are you afraid of?  No, really.  STOP!

Identify – and name – your fears. By naming your fears (e.g. “I’ll be laughed at”, don't name it “Harry”), you begin to hold them up to the light.  To see what they actually are and to work around them.  Maybe start by reminding yourself that loads of people share your fears.  And no, that’s not different for you – despite you telling yourself that…just like all the other people do!

Afraid you’ll make a mistake?  Some mitigations are available against this.  Practice more, only play things you feel strongly confident about, create (and practice) repair points throughout the music, practice “playing through” the mistakes you make, and practice improvising on the tunes.  Don’t plan to play anything shaky (do not plan to “pull it out of a hat” while performing - that very rarely goes well!).  And build your program to support you – start strong, back every (relatively) weak tune with a “comforter” (a strong, well learned tune) and end strong.  Practicing these things will help you feel more confident and help to fight off the fear.

Afraid you won’t be good enough?  You’ll be fine – build a strong program, prepare and practice, remember it’s only one day (and that we all have good days and bad days, even your harp hero!).  Remember the point of each practice session is to get a little better, stronger, more poised than the practice before.  No, you’re not _____ (insert name of current harp crush), but they didn’t ask her to play their event, did they?  Nope – they asked YOU! Get out of your own way and play!

Afraid of the audience? That they may laugh, or boo, or leave? Or worse, that they feel nothing.  Remember that you are communicating, and they are eager to get the message!  Remember too that you are giving and it is not a contest.  If you intend to give, what you give will be just right to meet that intention.  Also remember that  while about 20% of kids (and even fewer adults) have music lessons to learn an instrument, over 80% of adults report wishing they played an instrument!  They are too impressed, in awe, and/or envious to laugh or boo.  [SIDE NOTE:  I hope you have one of the most amazing antidotes to this – to have an audience member seek you out to tell you how much they enjoyed your music.  It will make your heart swell with pleasure and pride!  And before you dismiss their comments as them “just being nice”, remember this – that person so enjoyed your music that they fought their own fears to come up to you, possibly face your rejection of them(!), to share with you that you made a difference to them (sometimes effusively, sometimes haltingly) and that they are grateful.  Honor that, use it build your own confidence – and DO NOT THROW IT AWAY!  {Haven’t had this experience? Be patient}]  

Afraid you’ll embarrass yourself?  The only way to do this is to be unprepared and to not bring your best effort with you.  Do the work, and don't let the fear stop you.

What are you afraid of?  Don’t be!  Instead enjoy all the things you learn, feel, and share and really get into it.  And don’t let fear steal your joy – just enjoy.   

Do you get fearful when you sign up to perform?  How do you go about getting past it? Was it worth it?  Let me know in the comments!