Who are you trying to impress?

I know someone who has always tried to gain the attention of their parent.  In the parent’s home are the typical family photos.  On one wall are two photos of that parent with one of the siblings, commemorating an event.  On the other two walks, there are 53 photos and certificates of the first person, doing the same activity, alone.  After all these outings and exploits, and their documentation, the parent still has not noticed.

It’s heartbreaking.  So much message, so little communication.

But it got me thinking about accomplishments and goals aims. 

There are a number of questions to address in these situations – and the answers could be very helpful – if they are honest answers.  

1.  Who are you trying to impress?
2. Have they event noticed?

You may find that you are trying to impress other people – your teacher, your partner, your parent, your friends.  And you may be successful in capturing their attention.  And they may be  impressed.  But why do you need to continue to strive for their acknowledgement?  Are they even qualified to render a useful opinion?  So, why does trying to impress those people still leave you feeling hollow?

Did they notice your work at all?  Do they continually accord you accolades for your accomplishments?  Or have they grown fatigued by having to lavash you in praise?  Have they run out of ways to tell you how much they love your playing?  If they provide critique – do you actually listen? Is the feedback helpful? Do you use that feedback to learn and grow?

The reality is that a lot of people spend a lot of time trying to impress a lot of people, who for one reason or another, aren’t even paying attention.  It’s a big collection of so what.  

It can be hard to break free from trying to impress others.  Because in the end – you only have to impress yourself.  Easier said than done.

So, how can you go about making that change?  First, don’t be fooled – it is a difficult change to make.  Second, you can make it, you just need to be kind and thorough. 

Why do you need to impress you?  You are your harshest critic.  You are probably more unkind to you than anyone else could be.  And you are the only one paying attention all the time.  And you must be at peace with your accomplishments.  You have to impress yourself to achieve the satisfaction you seek.  There is a path – you have to practice it. 

1. Acknowledge that while others may enjoy your music – you really need to impress yourself.  Once you can state (and believe) that, you’re on your way.
2. That was a big step – because once you do that, you are responsible for all your steps forward, steps backward, and steps nowhere – and that is great!
3. So, what will it take to impress you?  Write these things down (see, don’t you wish you had already that practice journal?).  Include not just what, but also how you might get there.  Not sure of the path? Guess!
4. Now define those paths and break them down into do-able things (things you will accomplish.  Warning – some of these might impress you on their own!).
5. Write out a schedule – when and how you will do these things.
6. As you act on this schedule, note what you do, how you do, when you do and when you’ll do again.  Adjust as needed.  
7. Lather, rinse, repeat.
8. Update, modify, renegotiate until you are impressed.
9. Don’t rest until you are impressed – with you.

PS just doing these things should impress you – you’ll be so much farther along than others who haven’t made these strides.

PPS Don’t worry if sometimes when you try to impress you, you don’t actually scare you!

Once you realize everyone isn’t paying attention, and neither do they care, you’ll be able to learn to impress yourself!  What other ways can you impress yourself?  

In the end - only your opinion matters - you are who you have to impress.

Once you start, how did you help yourself be more impressed with you?  Let me know in the comments!