When... you... just... can’t..…get on the bench

It’s nearly the end of March, the time when we feel like it should be warm and glorious.  These are the days that beg to be enjoyed.  And the weather guesser said it is Spring.  And yet, it is cold, dreary, and windy.  It doesn’t feel like it will be glorious any time soon.  And although the forsythia has bloomed, the ground is still too cold to do Spring-like things.  And so, we look longingly out the window, weary of donning coats we’d prefer to take to the cleaner to put away until the winter comes again.

Given this, we should be delighted to stay indoors, in the warm, holding a cup of tea, practicing like mad.  And yet, these are days in which it seems very difficult to bear down and practice.  Competitions aren’t for weeks and weeks (NB Scottish + Welsh Harp Day is 5 May!).  It's that lull between the holidays and the mad Summer weddings season.  So, why is it that we…just…can’t…even…get to the harp?!? Or if we do get to the harp, we diddle but don’t really practice – why?!?

Maybe it’s inverse cabin fever – or maybe the doldrums of not having anything urgently pressing on our calendars? Or maybe we need the rest?

No matter the reason, this is a time when we also pile on guilt because we know we need to be practicing.  But even that doesn’t seem to goad us to action.  Let’s face it – we…just…can’t…….get on the bench!

So, how do we get out of this? This is slightly different from your regular practice, if only because you are specifically trying to lure yourself onto the bench.  So, it’s more about getting there than being there.  Once you get there – you know what to do!

Here are seven ways to help you get to the bench and get moving again:

1. Make an effort to say hello.  No, seriously, walk up and just say hello to your harp.  This might seem silly but try it.  Humor me. Maybe even touch it.  This is especially important if you don’t have a dedicated space for your harp and you must move it to play.  Sometimes, saying hello is all it takes to remind you that – why, yes, you would like to play, just a little.
2. But maybe the simple greeting doesn’t evolve to playing.  You could simply sit on the bench.  If you are really a hardcore case, convince yourself that you are timesharing – sitting on the bench is a start toward practicing AND it is housekeeping - dusting is important too.  So, it could qualify as home care.  But, often simply placing your behind on the bench leads to playing.
3. If the first two haven’t lead to you playing (or left you racked with scandalous guilt), maybe commit to playing for just 5 minutes.  Get out your trusty timer, because you wouldn’t want to cheat!  Just spend those 5 minutes playing a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g (really – anything!). Make sure you enjoy the time – because it could lead to longer bouts of playing.
4. Still not making it to the bench? Make a date with your harp.  Write it down on your calendar.  This is not the time to get up an hour early or to skip dinner.  Just make – and keep – a date with your harp. It could be a 5-minute date, you could meet for coffee, it doesn’t have to be long, just be sure you keep the date.
5. Get a buddy (especially useful if you know someone else in the same boat).  Work with your buddy to be accountable.  Although this might work best with another harper, your buddy can be anyone trying to be accountably motivated – to exercise, to diet, to read more, whatever.  You can help each other by checking in each day to assure you both stay motivated and do what you mean to.  Knowing you'll be embarrassed to have to tell someone else that you didn’t get to it is very motivating for getting it done!
6. Accountability buddy too cheesy for you? Be accountable to yourself!  Keep a log of your progress.
7. Plan a treat.  While you could give yourself a cookie every time you make it to the harp, a better treat might be to select a piece of music you would like to learn.  That might take more time than you’ve allotted at this point, but it could be a nice carrot!

Whatever you choose as a means to help yourself get motivated – the real point is to get you back to playing!  And cut yourself a break.  But if it helps, remember that regular practice – even for a short duration – will move you farther along than long, but sporadic, practice.  Whatever you do, don’t hector yourself. You’re not quitting after all, you’re just reminding yourself how much you enjoy playing. 

The Spring will come, and with the sunshine and longer days, you will look forward to getting back – so use these tips to help pass the time ‘til you get there.  Do you have other ways to get yourself back when…you…just…can’t….?  I’d love to hear them (in case I need a new way the next time I’m in the same state!)

Mindfulness - Knowing you

Mindfulness is everywhere just now.  There are mindfulness apps, there are coaches, and there are plenty of scolds telling us that we need to be more mindful.

This is however, much like so many other things.  There is no end to the line of people telling you what you should do. You need to eat low fat low carb clean whatever-is-popular-today.  You need to have these countertops, this color cabinets, and definitely not have an avocado refrigerator!  You have to wear skinnies, or was it wide-leg? Oops, nope, it’s ankle pants.

There are a lot of people telling you what is right for you.  But you probably already know what is right for you!

Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention. Of being “in the moment”.  Of focusing on what you are doing right now.  Of not being fixated on on what has happened before or what might happen later, but only on what is happening.

And in our current world, it is easy to get caught up in not being focused.  And so, there are loads of people willing to tell you how to be focused.  But the most important part of mindfulness is knowing you.

You likely already know what works for you. Answers online may help but will not change that essential you.  And if you’re paying attention, you will have a pretty good idea of what you need to work on.  Rather than telling you to breathe or meditate or do yoga, I’d like to suggest a few other ways to be mindful during your practice and playing. How do you get your mind to focus on playing the harp rather than on all the other stuff you could be thinking about?

1. Breathe.  Ok, I know I said I wasn’t going to tell you to breathe, but I am always amazed at how many people truly don’t breathe when sitting on the bench.  I have gone so far as to draw breath marks into the music or to add a breath into the phrase as I teach a tune.  Breathing is something that requires a little attention when you’re focusing on something else (like learning or mastering a tune).
2. Check in. Just as when you arrive in a hotel, you have to check in so they know you are there and you can get settled, you can check in with yourself – see what baggage you have brought (and leave it on the floor), make sure you are comfortable, that there is enough light, and that you know when your time there will end.
3. Attend. Actually pay attention to what you are doing.  Don’t think about work or what’s for dinner, why you can’t play the same things as Betty Sue, or what you’re going to play for your Carnegie Hall audition in 150 years. Pay attention to what you are doing right then.  Scales? Focus on your fingering, placement, sound quality, and control.  If you’re doing etude work, assure you’re getting out of the etude the point of the activity rather than just banging through it.
4. Be content. You are practicing.  This would suggest that you are building a skill, a repertoire element, or a performance package.  The key word there is building – developing.  Be content that you are making progress.  Don’t waste time being upset, chagrinned, angry, or despondent that you have only made as much progress as you have – rather, be content that you have made progress.
5. Don’t settle.  Why yes, this is the tempered opposite of the item above.  Don’t settle for anything less than your best effort.  Don’t accept sloppy scales, a fumbled second phrase, trailing fingers, or anything else that smacks of not paying attention. Don’t flog yourself but do genuinely work while you’re on your bench.  This is a path to being content!
6. Mind the time.  While it would be ever so nice to have four hours a day to practice, that is impractical for most.  So be sure you know how much time you’re going to dedicate and use it. Use all of it.  But honor your plan and only use all of it, but no more.  This will help you be focused on what you’re doing rather than wondering, “How much longer? Are we there yet?”

Of course, you can also have a mindfulness practice of more standard mindfulness stuff – that can only aid your focus when practicing.  But you know you - do what works for you.  

What other things do you do to help yourself focus and be mindful when you’re on your bench?  Leave me a comment, I’d love to hear what you do!

What do you want to be?

Did you know you wanted to play the harp when you were young?  Did you see one played when you were small and know it was for you? Have you always known? Were you able to get a harp and take lessons?

Or did you know but it was out of reach?  Did you start playing as soon as you were able?

I don’t know when you first thought about playing the harp, but when I did, I was old.  Well, older.  Certainly, a well-established adult.  Honestly, before that, playing the harp never even occurred to me.  Never even thought about it.  Until I was playing. 

I hadn’t even thought about being a musician.  I had left all that behind me when I went to university.  I mean, I dabbled, but I didn’t think of myself as a musician.

And even now, on occasion, I have to shake myself to believe my good fortune!

Regardless of when we started or how we come to the harp, here we are.  Right next to one another.  Playing together.  How cool is that?!?

One of the things I enjoy about our community is that togetherness.  We all start where we start, when we start.  We are where we are.  We’re going where we choose.  But we have lovely company along the way.  The question remains however – what do you want to be when you grow up?

Only you can answer the question.  And as before, the answer is unique to you – and may hold all the information you need to improve the time you spend at the harp.  There are, as before, as many answers as harpers, but a few are –

• You strive to play for your own pleasure
• You want to make a career change
• You want a side hustle
• You want to ease other people

All of these answers are great choices for when you grow up!  No matter your current age.  But how does knowing that help you practice – to continue your growth?

Well, in this case the answer is always the same.  You still need to work on your technique, your repertoire, your stamina.  Yup, no slacking in the fundamentals!  And no slacking – period!

If you play for your own pleasure, strong fundamental will help you to get past the ugly part (you know that part – in every tune – that is “more challenging" than you thought it would be when you started) and on to the fun part so that you can enjoy the playing.  Practicing fundamentals will assure you get through those tough parts more easily.

If you want a career change or a side hustle – you’ll be performing – and getting paid – so you want to be confident and solid…which comes with strong fundamentals!  Practicing those will help build your foundation so you will feel more confident.

If you want to ease other people (in hospital, hospice, home care, etc.) then you really need to be in command of your instrument and repertoire to play just the right thing, at the right time, exactly as you mean to. You got it – you need those fundamentals!

If you were hoping I would say something different – like that if you want to play for your own enjoyment, you could do less practice or easier activities, sorry but no.  But if you want to play – play, practice from the fundamentals.  That’s where the fun starts – and how you get to be what you want to be.  

What do you want to be?  Let me know - I'm curious!

Why don’t you play?

There are loads of reasons we play – all of them good and each holding a key to improving your practice and possibly enjoying playing even more.  But sometimes – 

We don’t play

We don’t make it to the bench.  We can’t d-r-a-g ourselves to the harp.  We try, but things get in the way and we just don’t get there.  Sometimes we just don’t want to.  Sometimes it’s for a day.  Or a week.  Or much, much longer…

Thinking about why we don’t play can be very helpful (that was pretty obvious!).  And knowing why we don’t play might actually be more helpful.

Spend a little time thinking about it – when you don’t play, why is that?  There are as many reasons as there are musicians, but here are four possibilities –

1. Busy-ness.  We all have so much going on every day.  And there are only so many hours.  And it’s already time for bed, and…  I know.  I get it.  I live there too!  Sometimes we don’t realize how much work is required for this love affair with our harps.  Or other stuff has crept into our schedule, putting the squeeze on our practice time.  Or maybe, when we allow ourselves to sit, to sink into the lovely comfort of the space playing creates, we fall under the spell and spend “too long” there.  So, the next time, we tell ourselves we don’t have time.  And soon we’re not practicing at all!  But this strategy doesn’t work.  We know we need consistent practice, otherwise we lose ground.  Rather than beating yourself up (either for not practicing and for practicing and not getting other things done) – allot, and keep to – a daily, short appointment with your harp.  There isn’t much time, but if you could devote just 15 – 20 minutes each day, you would see progress…and still have time to make dinner and watch (insert your favorite TV show here).  Make yourself a star chart (like you’d make for your kid’s chores) to reinforce your success!
2. Fear of Failure.  This is such a silly coping strategy, but I see it over and over – you have a gig coming up and need to learn a piece.  The date is looming large and you keep putting off starting on it – yikes! And this is a downward spiral because the longer you put it off, the more likely you’ll be right, and you will do badly.  But (here’s the insidious part) if you put it off and do badly – at least you’ll have an excuse.  It’s crazy but true.  So, in that 15 minutes a day you’ve allotted for practice (see above), be sure that about 1/3 of it is devoted to learning something new.  This means that you have allotted this time to work on that thing you need to play at that event that’s zorching up but perhaps more importantly – it means you are well practiced at learning new things (so at least that part isn’t scary!).
3. Overwhelm.  I know – playing the harp looked so easy.  And when you started – it was.  But as you go on, there’s so much to learn, and remember, and work on, and do, and it all requires practice!  I mean, really – you must practice tuning and reading and body position and hand position and breathing and melodies and harmonies and phrasing and listening and hearing and – oh, never mind, I’m so tired thinking about it, I’m exhausted – I think I’ll go watch a little tv.  You do need to practice all these things and more – but – the more you practice them, the easier they become.  They become more manageable.  In the same way, you can manage your practice time.  Give it structure.  Know what you want to accomplish.  Have a plan.  You can use a practice planner (like this one) to be sure you know what you will do.  You can also ask for help if you’re lost – ask your teacher or schedule a coaching session (I can help) to decide on an approach you can work with.  Then you won’t flounder deciding what to practice – you’ll know what you’ll work on, for how long, over how many practice sessions, and when you’ll be satisfied.
4. It’s that time of life.  Sometimes other things take center stage – an change to your family, a new job, a relocation, a new hobby.  Or sometimes you just need a break – a change of scenery.  "It’s not you, it’s me" you might say to your harp.  Your harp is like a true friend – it will understand your focus has shifted.  And like a true friend, it will be there as you go through these changes.  And you’re lucky – your harp will be there to give succor and support when needed.  Don’t feel badly about not playing if you’re focused on something else.  Would your friend (or your harp) deny your new joy?  Or reject you when you come back? No – of course not!  So, don’t beat yourself up – enjoy your new focus and come back to your harp for those 15 minutes each day or when you’re ready.

There are so many good reasons to play, don’t let a couple of little things derail you.  Just don’t let them throw you so far off you feel like you can’t return.  And don’t ever think you’re alone – we have all been there – and we’ll be glad when you’re back!